The Grooming of Young Girls Often Goes Unnoticed

How A Million Little Things told Sophie’s story exactly right

DISCLAIMER: Contains spoilers for the television show A Million Little Things, Season 3, Episode 10.

With the advancements of technology, reaching another human is as simple as a few taps on a screen. While it has been a benefit for keeping in touch with long-distance friends and relatives, it has also become a field day for predators. Anonymity has given even those least likely to act upon their impulses the confidence to seek out young people to satiate their inappropriate desires.

Children are seeking attention, acceptance, and love from strangers on the other side of their screen. It is now easier than ever for young people to send lewd photographs and suggestive messages to virtually anybody on the Internet. However, despite being easier for predators to find their victims, this isn’t a new issue.

I have the guilty pleasure of indulging in intensely dramatic network television shows. Shows like Parenthood, This Is Us, A Million Little Things…and the list goes on. The most recent episode of A Million Little Things, “Trust Me,” hit especially close to home with the teenage character Sophie falling victim to her guitar teacher’s predatory behavior.

Sophie had some very persistent adults in her life that noticed that something was not quite right. Every time she tried to back out of the conversation, the adults stood their ground, offering words of encouragement and even shared a personal experience of sexual abuse that the character Regina experienced as a child. Sophie was insistent that the teacher only had her best interest in mind and that encouraging her to dance around in her bathing suit was a “tried and true” tactic to get his students out of their shells. But it was wrong. Sophie believes that the teacher’s decision to touch himself in front of her was her fault, that she unintentionally did something to encourage him. She is wrong. It wasn’t her fault that he took advantage of her position in life and his authority over her. It is never a child’s fault that an adult has a sexual response to them.

The story has been told a million times in a million different ways. Adult teachers, coaches, caregivers, religious figures, etc., give the desired attention or love or comfort to a child and they set them up to be submissive to their untoward behaviors. Sometimes, the actions are passive, but they are often active and involve physical forms of sexual abuse. Either way, the child is left trapped in a cyclical thought pattern of feeling as though something is wrong, believing that they did something bad to cause the wrong behavior, and feeling as though they need to continue this inappropriate relationship in order to meet their needs for love and acceptance or out of fear of retaliation.

This episode hit so close to home for me because I found myself participating in an inappropriate relationship with a trusted adult male. I was a senior in high school, only seventeen years old, and still a child for all intents and purposes. I took pride in the fact that this person chose me as a confidant; it made me feel trustworthy and mature. I enjoyed the mentions of reminding him of his wife when she was younger as it meant that someday someone might also consider me marriage material. I went to him for advice on improving my athletic skills; he turned to me to vent his frustrations about his personal life. This all culminated in one evening, standing in a mostly empty parking lot, this man leaned over and kissed me. How it happened is a blur and the time that passed after it was over is lost to the section of my mind that stores my traumas. All I remember was that it felt wrong and I felt guilty for allowing our interactions to lead to this. I continue to struggle with not taking responsibility for what happened. I know now, over fifteen years later, that he knew what he was doing. He was a lonely man, struggling with growing older and trying to relive his “glory days.” He chose me because he could see how lost I was and how easy I would be to manipulate.

I was a trustworthy and responsible child. I participated in two sports nearly year-round and obtained good grades. I stayed up too late talking to friends and trying to complete long-procrastinated projects. I was an overall average teenager. As far as I know, nobody suspected a thing. Perhaps if someone said something, I would have been able to avoid that kiss that changed everything for me, the kiss that taught me that my body is not my own but belonging to anyone who desires to have it.

That entire “relationship” set my life on a trajectory for continuing to allow myself to experience sexual assault and tolerate other inappropriate behaviors, all in an effort to feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. He did not ruin my life, but he most certainly changed it forever.

I implore all parents, teachers, and caregivers to keep a watchful eye on their children and teens' behaviors. Allow them to live their lives and to make mistakes, but please try not to let other people make life-changing actions at their expense.

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