My Short Career at the Worst Startup Ever

None of us plan on working at a failed startup.

So many of us enter into this union like a Vegas wedding. We’re drunk with the possibilities. No company has ever promised us so much. Our blood runs hot with the sexiness of stock options.

Things start out too good to be true and end up worse in a way we never could have imagined.

They did for me.

The polished metal doors of the elevator opened to a wide-open office. With a rush of frigid AC washing over me, I scanned my surroundings. The floor gleamed with the shine of gunmetal gray, the walls a jigsaw puzzle of reclaimed wood, and placed on almost every vertical surface were flatscreen televisions playing the same looped company promo video.

Milling around were employees who had the same layer of slick sheen. With perfect teeth and bodies fit from hours spent in the exercise rooms of luxury apartments, they all seemed to have been bred from the same DNA.

I would later become familiar with this group of near-human perfection, who was the all-important face of the company — the sales department. I was not interviewing to be a part of this beautiful crew.

In the center of this glass palace was a pink smart car, emblazoned with company branding. This car had been sealed up during the building’s construction. No company, unless they had plans to occupy office space for the long term, would dare such an act of permanence. This was a company with a future.

Usually, I prepare well for a job interview but this time I had done the minimum. I had checked out their website and wasn’t impressed with its lackluster templated design.

But walking into this wonderland of modern interior design made me regret not being prepared. I had been invited in to possibly join this office and had already…

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